Limits can be hard or soft, but some examples of common limits include: You can also use a BDSM contract to negotiate what you will or won’t do. Obviously there are infinite kinks, but here are the most common:īDSM limits are boundaries of things you don’t like or won’t do. Just as there is a wide range of people, there is a wide range of kinks. Kinks are any activities or desires that are outside the “vanilla” norm. This means that we don’t have to personally like or engage in all kinks, but we should be respectful if someone likes an activity that turns us off (unless it is something illegal). There is a saying in the BDSM community that, ‘Your kink isn’t my kink and that’s ok’. And if you go to a club or dungeon, it’s good to be prepared beforehand to express what you will and won’t do with other people.Įven though you’re probably excited to share your checklist with current or potential partners, you want to avoid any “kink shaming”. This can be regular or casual play partners, or even people you meet at different groups to see if you’re compatible. You’ll also want to share it with any one else you play with too. This is a great opportunity to ask them what they enjoy or are curious about, and what things they don’t like as well. Even if your partner is vanilla, sharing your new list can be a great icebreaker to exploring kink together. Once you have a list of all of your kinks and BDSM limits, who should you share it with? The obvious answer is your current partner (if you don’t have a partner yet, you can check out this article). It keeps things new and exciting.Ĭlick the image below to download yours now for free: Things to avoid when sharing your BDSM kink checklist with others One thing my Dom likes to do is go over our list from time to time and make sure we do each item we’ve agreed upon at least once every few months. We tend to be creatures of habit so we don’t want to slip into vanilla tendencies and keep doing the same scenes over and over. You don’t want to look like a newbie when someone uses a term that you don’t know.Įxperienced and advanced Doms and subs also want to use a checklist so they don’t end up getting stuck in a rut. It’s a good idea to stay on top of the trends and lingos especially if you’re meeting new play partners or going to events and clubs. This may come as a surprise to you but as long as humans are having sex and engaging in BDSM, new kinks are always going to be discovered. This is a question I get asked a lot, and my answer is: You especially need a downloadable checklist if you’re experienced or advanced. Do you need a BDSM kink list if you are experienced or advanced? Not only that, but it will be much safer too, since you will have communicated your expectations and limits. A scene will go much smoother if you know your partner’s boundaries and desires. Think about it like reading the instruction manual before building a piece of furniture. You also need a BDSM checklist because it’s important to discuss any activities or behaviors with a partner before engaging in them. PRESS + HOLD TO SAVE THIS IMAGE AND SHARE For example, I didn’t know about consensual non-consent until we had read about it in our checklist.
So having a BDSM list of new kinks can really open your mind to fun possibilities that you may want to explore.
Not only did it make communication less awkward, but comparing lists also was a huge turn on. When my Dom and I first began our journey as a Dom/sub couple, a checklist was a great way to talk about subjects that seemed embarrassing at first. It is used as a way for individuals to explore their own interests and boundaries, and to communicate them to others who may be involved in BDSM play or relationships. What exactly is a BDSM checklist?Ī BDSM kink checklist is a list of desires, activities or behaviors that are associated with BDSM. I’ll even share my free checklist that you can download below.
But how do you actually use one? I’ll be covering all of that here, plus we’ll go over some of the most common kinks. A good kink checklist will also help you discover your BDSM limits over time.
However, you need to have one that is reputable and comprehensible. You probably already have a basic BDSM kink list that you found when you first began your journey. When you’re engaging in the kink lifestyle, it’s important to have a BDSM checklist.